Overnight pet sitting usually follows a certain formula. A well-to-do middle aged couple seeks out my services to sleep in their beautifully throw pillowed guest bed and binge watch their On Demand because their pet just can't fathom sleeping alone. They stock the kitchen with goodies, to which I reply "Oh thank you but all I need is a cup of coffee in the morning." And they show me how to use the Keurig. Some pet sitters hate spending a night or seven away from home, but I think it's easy money ... Until I get one of these.
An older bachelor requests an "all-nighter" for his dog. He has no idea how to make up a guest room, let alone which room in the house that might be. The couch? Sure, the couch is the guest room. Last Friday I did an overnight for this gentleman, and imagine my surprise when I walked in to find him at home watching tv. He abruptly got up to use the bathroom (?) while I played with his dog. And then he was off to his sleep study and told me there were clean sheets on his bed. Oh, and by the way, he has no idea when he's coming home so sleep with the bedroom door closed or something.
Now, once he's gone I look around and imagine my surprise to see this gem of a coffee table...
I get my classic sculptures confused, is she Greek or Roman? I walk the dog and come back to use the facilities myself. The guest bathroom is most tastefully decorated ...
You know, in case you forget what your bummy looks like.
Luckily I showered before my overnight, because there's no way I'm taking my clothes off in this man's house. He might have a camera or something! Finally, I flush the toilet and turn around to see that what I used was in fact ...
The dog and I went to bed early so we could be sure and be up before this man came home. Luckily, he had a chiming clock that woke me every hour on the hour so there was no chance of oversleeping. The dog and I got up at 5 and promptly after our walk went on a car ride to get me a large coffee. To add insult to injury, Starbucks wasn't open yet. Ok, second choice, nope! Panera was closed as well. Lazy bums. At this point I discovered that the dog, in fact, does not enjoy car rides. So I stuffed treats in his face and emotional eating kept him calm until we arrived at ... I'm so embarrassed ... the chain gas station for my coffee. I hit rock bottom, people. The struggle is real.
The dog and I returned back in time to watch an episode of Walking Dead on demand and just as abruptly as our adventure began, the man came home, used the bathroom, and dismissed me from work. At least I got a little more caught up on my show and he gave me $20 for Christmas. At least the dog must have had fun because the next night after our walk he made a beeline for my Subaru hoping we would get coffee!