Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Gassy Dog Walker

A defenseless child is involved in this post so names have been changed ...

I recently accommodated a new, last-minute client because on a rare fluke I had a slow weekend. Admittedly, I'm a little out of practice with consultations because I have very little room for newbies right now. But, what the heck, this was an easy one: refill the water, automatic feeder, scoop the litter, pet the friendly cat. Done.

Some of you, dear readers, may have gathered from my blog roll that I follow a plant-based diet. This can sometimes lead to umm ... gastrointestinal happenings. I knew I was taking a big risk, but dang it I was hungry and ate a serving of veggie loaded white bean salad before the consult. It was delicious! It was also a digestive minefield of kale, raw onions, and beans ... I know it was wrong but I ate it.

I arrived at the consult, planning to be in and out in a few minutes. It turns out the client's son with two pretentious name, Jeffrey Thomas, had been waiting all day to meet me. He was the most adorable little 4 year old boy, and I don't even like kids so that's saying something. We all sat on the couch for a while as I pet the cat and assured Jeffrey Thomas that I would feed, love, and play with the cat while he was away.

Then the time came to show me where the food was kept. I stood up and slowly a little something slipped out. It was the silent but deadly variety and I tried to get us all to pick up the pace into the kitchen.

Well, the client noticed. She sniffed the air and said, "Do you smell that? Something doesn't smell too good."

"Oh,"I replied, "my nose is immune to smells by now, being a pet sitter and all," trying desperately to laugh it off.

Sniff sniff. "Jeffrey Thomas!" she exclaimed in a stage whisper. "Did you toot?"

My face was bright red and I silently willed Jeffrey Thomas to fess up.

"No Mama! I would tell you if I had!" What a good boy ...

"Perhaps I stepped in something and didn't notice." I suggested, inspecting my shoes.

"No," she said. "We had a problem recently with a mouse trying to get into our dryer from outside. It died and I constantly smell it. I hope another one hasn't tried the same thing. I'll never get over that smell. Anyway ..."

The consult continued. I got the client. I don't know if they'll call me back again!

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